If I looked on the bed next to you, what would I find?

- A duplicate of my sleeping quarters, apparently, with an attached note: "remember -- you already have two beds and Forgetful Furniture Store understandably doesn't accept returns."

Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed?

- I generally avoid rooms whose entrances mandate incorporeality.

Are your underwear and socks folded in your drawer or just thrown in?

- Your assumption as to my quantity of owned drawers ignores both basic dresser design practice and how unclean my clothing is.

Sleep on your back or stomach?

- Please don't.

Are you a cuddler?

- Please don't.

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?

- An alternative sleeping arrangement for the particularly forceful of my uninvited roommates.

What were you doing before this survey?

- Opening an executable word processing program.

What will you do after the survey?

- Close an executable word processing program.

Marriage or living together?

- A dim outlook as to the longevity of symbolic unions.

What shirt are you wearing now?

- A relative enticement for the opposite sex to remain within my field of vision and prospective interactivity.

Do you sing?

- Only in the pained opinions of nearby canines.

Do you de-label your beer bottles?

- I'd like to think that my potential inebriation is more socially enthralling than inanimate object combat (except for in respect to my lack of balance).

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?

- I experience an excessive degree of motor and sensory neuron gossip regarding such matters to such a degree that I think further discussion to be redundant.

Is there something you regret and wish you could take back?

- Everything I've acquired from Forgetful Furniture Store.

First thing you do when you wake up?

- Realize that whatever subconscious process guides my dreams is exceedingly normalized -- and then I awaken in reality.

Ever had surgery?

- I feel as though my larynx undergoes both phonosurgery and transsexualisation whenever I attempt to emulate Bjork.

Last argument you got into with?

- A professor of language regarding vague references.

What's one good thing about your best friend?

- That she for some reason trusts me to feel more pluralized positivism for her being.

Current song on myspace?

- Assumedly seven seconds of many songs to which I'd not want to listen for an additional seven seconds.

When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?

- Kittens can't be deactivated in any sense beyond utilization of a level of violence I reserve for more traditional endorsements of recalling the existence of mornings.

If you were given the chance to take care of a monkey for a weekend, would you?

- Only given prior training in beverage retrieval, conservation of fecal matter, and guiltless kitten deactivation.

What is the current advertisement on the side of the screen?

- An unintentional endorsement of scroll wheels.

What are you looking forward to?

- Whatever lies ahead of the many directions I'll likely utilize in visually processing my surroundings.

It's midnight. Who are you texting?

- Perhaps your focus should be either telepathy development or comprehension of analogue clocks and not necessarily a simultaneous exploration of both.

It's Wednesday afternoon, where are you usually?

- Substitute "analogue clock comprehension" with "listening comprehension," then.

Honestly, if you could have ANYONE in the world, who would it be?

- A proponent of human trafficking.

Your Christmas list consists of?

- The gift of religious tolerance.

You're going to New York for school shopping, where do you go first?

- An airport and a terminal bookstore hopefully stocked with copies of any reference materials regarding successful financial management.

You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?

- First? I reconsidered my Voltron-endorsed tendency to acquire and combine multiple pairs of jeans following a recent purchase from an airport terminal bookstore.

How do you feel about your hair?

- With either supplied fingers or styling accessories such as combs or brushes (sold separately).

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?

- I re-reconfigured my name following various incidents in which my reconfigured name surprisingly didn't serve as a legislative mandate to ignore my drug-smuggling.

How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?

- I find eye contact to be an essential component of interaction regardless of any embarrassment one may harbor in hermaphroditism.

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?

- A discrete hint as to my temporary acquisition of a primate butler.

How many TRUE best friends do you have?

- A quantity greatly improved by the rounding schematic employed by the Price is Right.

What would you change about your life right now?

- The immediate implementation of certain game show rules in whatever numerical analyses can be performed regarding my existence.

What’s the best feeling in the world?

- Assumedly the gentle churning of molten rock such that current electrical polarity and magnetism levels are maintaned.